Testament 3 - 12
Hong Kong Type #18
12.
Let me talk about the unspeakable past of the leech. The birthmark on the inside of my left thigh has caused me a lot of troubles since my childhood. I have always been ashamed of having such an ugly thing on that part of my body. Although its location is concealed, it is not necessarily unseen by people. As a result, I never dared to wear a swimsuit or even shorts. I often made excuses to avoid physical education classes because I was afraid of changing in front of my classmates and I was also worried that the fitted shorts for girls might give me away.
However, no matter how I tried to concealing it, the truth eventually leaked out. During my second year at middle school, a female classmate accidentally discovered my secret in the changing room after a physical education class. She promised not to tell anyone, but soon rumors spread that Lai Sun Fei of Class 2B had a leech on her thigh. Later, the location of the leech was rumored to be an even more private area. In addition to the female students, the boys also began to snicker. Many disgusting rumors about the leech emerged, such as it being a parasitic worm that fed on menstrual blood, or a swollen black male genitalia. Initially, I was someone who went unnoticed and preferred not to draw attention to myself. But when everyone suddenly focused on me, especially on such a private matter, I felt humiliated and couldn’t raise my head in class. Some days were so bad that I had to feign illness to skip school in order to avoid the bullying.
When I entered Form Three, my classmates changed and teenagers’ nature to forget things gradually let the incident fade away. However, the shame in my heart did not diminish. I always felt that my classmates were mocking my natural ugliness in their hearts. My already introverted personality became even more withdrawn. That mark represented the fact that I was a cursed person. Such a person was not suitable for establishing close relationships with others, let alone engaging in romantic love.
Little Poor was the only person who had seen the birthmark on my body but had never made fun of it. She said in a matter-of-fact manner, “Who doesn’t have some imperfections on their body?” Once, she came to my house to do homework together. We hid in the bedroom, where she undressed her upper body to show me a large black mole beside her left breast. She joked about having three nipples and how she could feed triplets or satisfy three boyfriends at the same time. I was surprised and even felt a sense of inferiority towards Little Poor’s frankness and composure, but she made me feel comfortable.
Perhaps it was due to this trust that I later accepted Ah Wang, whom she introduced to me, and he became my first boyfriend. Like other boys, Ah Wang also had physical demands towards his girlfriend. I knew this was completely normal, but I found it hard to overcome my fears. I gathered my greatest courage and allowed him to touch my body, yet I consistently made excuses to prevent any further development. Ah Wang knew that I was a shy person, he did not force me too hard, but his urgency was evident. I once seriously considered pushing my limits to satisfy his desires, but not long after, my brain failed me.
Until now, I have not been able to recall why that accident happened. What exactly caused it? Was it an external stimulus, or due to the outbreak of any hidden internal crisis, which led me to attempt to leap out from the window of my room? Because of this blank, I even started to doubt the reality of my past memories. Only the physical features, like tiny goldfish eyes or the leech, keep me connected with my former self. I’m not sure whether I should be thankful for these perceived flaws.
The recurring cries of the girl I’d been hearing at night lately had stirred some vague memories, but I worried that it was all in my head. It’s like the conversations I had with the character spirits on my computer – there was no third-party witness apart from myself, and it was likely just a manifestation of some mental disorder. A part of me that still retained rationality issued this warning, but a voice from my deep unconsciousness told me it was the calling of the soul.
The dialogue with the character spirits was coming to a close. I had this premonition because the subject of the Hong Kong Type had been largely covered, and its origin was now relatively clear. When the story is finished, what else does the character spirits have to say to me? Or should I say, when the character spirits have retold the story of the Hong Kong Type through me, what use do I, as the spiritual medium, still have? I felt anxious about this and was constantly waiting for the character spirits to express themselves, but they remained silent. There were several times when I prepared myself in front of the computer, only for the screen to remain blank for most of the day, with no response. On the contrary, the cries from outside the window grew even more desolate.
Whenever the call echoed outside my window in the dead of night, I couldn’t help but sneak a peek at the girl across the way from behind my partially closed curtains. The upper half of her body that she revealed was always in that black camisole, forming a stark contrast with the white, cold glow of the backdrop. I noticed that the nearby units with lights on didn’t respond at all to the girl’s cries, I wondered if they had become accustomed to it, or if they couldn’t hear it at all. The only thing that confirmed this was not a figment of my imagination was that every time, Fox would wake up, uneasily pacing around the house, continuously growling lowly until the noise disappeared.
That night, as the girl across the street was yelling again at her window, I made a phone call to Ah Loi. I asked him if he was at home. He said yes. Then I asked him if he could hear the girl’s cries. There was a pause on the other end, followed by some slight noise, as if he was moving, then Ah Loi said: “Yes.”
“Really? Can you hear it too?” I said emotionally.
“How could I not hear it?”
I teared up immediately, and after a while I said:
“Thank you, Ah Loi! Thank you!”
“What are you thanking me for? For having ears?”
“Ah Loi, I’m really scared, can you stay with me for a while?”
“Alright, let’s chat on the phone for a bit.”
“Can I come to your place?”
“Now? This late?”
“We live so close, and I haven’t visited you yet.”
“My house is a mess - but if you don't mind...”
After hanging up the phone, I changed my clothes and cautiously stepped out of the room. Fox had already calmed down and returned to its den to sleep. I saw Dad in the bathroom and took the opportunity to sneak out.
Three minutes later, I arrived at the entrance of the public housing building with snacks and drinks purchased from the convenience store. Ah Loi, wearing shorts and slippers, was waiting for me there. His hair seemed longer and messier than before, draped over his thin face and shoulders. I followed him into the elevator and watched him press the button for the twentieth floor. When we passed the eighth floor, I couldn’t help but hold my hand over my racing heart. I had once considered going to the unit where the girl lived, but I thought it was too absurd and gave up the idea. Ah Loi noticed my strange expression and asked me with concern. I forced a smile and said that the air in the elevator seemed a bit stuffy.
Ah Loi had been living alone for a long time, his mother rarely came back, and the condition of the house was quite tidy for a single man. The furniture and items were simple and old, giving a sense of stagnation as if ten years had passed in a day. The condition of the peeling wall paint was quite serious, but no one had repaired it. The overall feeling was like a ruin trying hard to maintain order.
As soon as I entered the door, I went straight to the window and found that I really couldn’t see the building where I lived. In the distance, there was a line of dark mountains, and nearby was a deserted police special unit training base. You could imagine the sound of gunfire coming from below during drills. I listened carefully, but could no longer hear any shouts. I told Ah Loi that the source of the sound was a unit on the eighth floor of this building facing my house. Ah Loi frowned and said:
“Really? That’s not strange. Do you want to try shouting to see if there’s any response?”
He pretended to stick his head out of the window, and I quickly stopped him, saying, “It’s nearly eleven! Don’t disturb others!”
He smirked narrowly, showing that he was just kidding. I asked if I could visit his room, and he hesitated, leading me in with a shy expression. As soon as I entered, I saw a poster of a Japanese AV actress on the wall facing the single bed. Ah Loi quickly explained:
“Don’t misunderstand, it was Ah Sau who posted it! Ah Sau likes Mikami Yua.”
He pointed to the few books on the small bookshelf, saying, “He even collected her photobooks.”
I felt my ears burning and averted my eyes from the wall to a small desk piled with textbooks. On a small mirror atop the desk, there stuck the card that I had printed in the letterpress workshop. The room was devoid of models, video games, or sports equipment typically found in a boy’s place. It was evident that Ah Loi was very frugal and led a simple life. I noticed a gas mask hanging by the window and curiously asked:
“You don’t need this for epidemic prevention, do you?”
Ah Loi waved his hand and said, “That’s not mine. It belongs to Ah Sau. He doesn’t wear it now, he just leaves it hanging here. He’s such a careless guy! But we agreed not to touch each other’s stuff, so there’s nothing I can do. That thing is his, too.”
He pointed to a black helmet on top of the bookshelf. The helmet, with its seemingly hard surface, bore signs of impact and abrasion. I asked, a bit worried:
“Does Ah Sau ride a motorcycle?”
“One doesn’t necessarily have to ride a motorcycle to wear a helmet, right?”
Ah Loi always spoke in this ambiguous way, leaving me unsure of how to respond. Seeing that he looked embarrassed, I assumed it was because of the naked woman poster, so I excused myself and returned to the living room.
Sitting down on the sofa, I noticed that we both still had our masks on. Ah Loi must have noticed it too. That’s why he deliberately took out the paper-packaged drinks I bought from the plastic bag, and asked, “Which one do you want?”
I chose the lemon tea, and he took the Hong Kong style milk tea. As we took off our masks, the atmosphere suddenly became a bit awkward. I realized that I was not actually familiar with Ah Loi, we couldn’t even be considered ordinary friends. In this quiet moment of the night, I had boldly come to his house, a behavior that was completely unlike me. I tried to break the ice by bringing up a topic and said:
“I met Ah Sau the other day at the snack shop at the entrance of the mall, and we had a brief chat.”
“I know. Ah Sau told me. He wrote it down in our notebook. He also gave me that card. Although I couldn’t understand the sentence printed on it, I want to thank you anyway.”
His tone was as if he was talking about his own twin. The way his two personalities communicated and coexisted was astonishing. He jumped up, went to the TV, and brought out a student notebook, flipping it open for me to see the records inside. At the top of each page, there was a date, and below, there were different times, followed by messages intended for the other personality. Some were about daily life such as what groceries were bought and what household items were needed, but others were opinions or discussions about things. There were also a few complaints and harsh words, which didn’t seem too serious. Most intriguingly, the two handwriting styles were completely different, as if they were written by two different people. I had already been convinced that Ah Loi had multiple personalities, and now there was no doubt about it.
We were sipping our drinks through straws while discussing his diploma exams. Ah Loi was not optimistic about the results. He admitted that he wasn’t cut out for studying and thought it would be better to give up on further education. In fact, he had previously enrolled in other college courses but couldn’t successfully continue. It seemed the only way out was to work, but even finding a job wouldn’t be easy for him given his situation. He had had several full-time jobs, but never lasted, always encountering problems halfway through. I knew he was talking about Ah Sau, but he didn’t blame him at all. I was moved to say:
“You’re really a tolerant person.”
“Who should I be tolerant towards? Myself? Ah Sau is also part of me. But perhaps you’re right, instead of fighting with myself, it would be better to make peace. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s something I have to bear alone since there’s no other choice. We can choose our friends, but we can’t choose ourselves, or who lives within us. So in the end, we have to be faithful to the one within us.”
His last comment surprised me, and I responded a bit excitedly:
“Even if that person is not just one? Even if that is, in fact, a monster?”
These questions seemed to exceed Ah Loi’s understanding. He scratched his messy, long hair and said:
“There’s nothing we can do if that’s the case.”
Seeing that there was indeed no solution, I commented, “You need a haircut.”
He brushed all the hair in front of his face and said, “Yes, my face can barely be seen. No one would recognize me even without a mask!”
I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. Ah Loi casually checked his watch and said:
“It’s past midnight, if you don’t go home, your father will worry. I have the early shift at the convenience store tomorrow, I have to leave at six.”
I then realized how abrupt my actions were tonight and apologized to him, saying:
“Ah Loi, I’m sorry for disturbing you in the middle of the night.”
“No, I’m happy you came. I’m always alone at night.”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend? – I’m sorry, is it inappropriate for me to ask this?”
“It doesn’t matter, I don’t care! I’ve had a girlfriend before, but not many people can accept my situation.”
“What about Ah Sau?”
“He... he has Mikami Yua. Despite his outlook, he’s actually a loyal guy.”
“Ah Loi, don’t you feel lonely?”
“Not at all, I have Ah Sau.”
“But you two can’t even meet. Ah Sau must be lonely too.”
Ah Loi attempted to make a joke to lighten the mood, but he suddenly fell silent. He picked up his mask, stood up as if he was going to see me out. As I stood up, just about to hang the mask strap onto my ear, Ah Loi suddenly held my hand, pulled off my mask, and clumsily kissed my lips. I froze on the spot, clueless about how to react. I wasn’t angry, nor was I panicked, my mind was just blank, completely unable to understand what was happening. I didn’t know how long it took before he let me go. It seemed as if he had done something shameful. He immediately put on his mask, turned away, hiding his flushed face.
On the way he accompanied me home, both of us walked silently without uttering a word. He hid his entire face under his long hair and the mask. I continued to experience a sense of suspended emptiness, losing touch with reality.
Upon arriving home, my father came out from the kitchen with a water glass in his hand, apparently just happening to bump into me. I waved the plastic bag full of snacks in my hand, telling him that I had just gone to the convenience store across the street. However, I knew he had already seen through my lie. The calm I had seemingly achieved was once again disrupted by a sudden surge of emotions.
I hastily hid in the bathroom and removed my mask. There was a sweet and sour taste on my lips - a mixture of lemon tea and Hong Kong style milk tea. In the mirror, my face was as red as if I was drunk. My eyes looked like two startled little goldfish. I felt extremely regretful and ashamed. I shouldn’t have disturbed Ah Loi’s peaceful life. I didn’t know what I was doing, nor did I know who was living inside me. It seemed like some monster was silently emerging from the depths of my heart. Should I tolerate it? Or should I fight it, or escape from it, if escape was still possible?