Resurrection 2 -6

Hong Kong Type #30

Six Records of a Resurrected Life

VI. Resurrection

Finally, we’ve come to the end.

I know, I am waiting for you.

Let’s go on then.

Heng-yi, what happened afterwards could not be reverted, yet I would still want to narrate our love story completely, from beginning to end. Though I say completely, it is already shattered, beyond repair. I write this not in hopes of restoring your reputation. The people of this world delight in denigration more than in praise. You were originally pure-hearted, but were thrown into the mire, and this is not your fault. I was blinded by this impure world, failing to see your true heart, causing you to die with resentment - I am truly the one at fault. The ending of this story is tragic. I can’t bear to elaborate on it, so I will briefly mention it, to relieve my mind.

These two to three years had been a critical time for my career. I had temporarily taken over as the superintendent of the Anglo-Chinese College Printing House and was in charge of the printing of Chinese Classics. The following year, I also managed the typesetting orders for the Office of Foreign Affairs. The two Western newspapers in this port had successively launched Chinese daily newspapers. The Hong Kong Chinese and Foreign News came first, followed by The Hong Kong Chinese Daily, both proclaimed to be edited by Chinese and not influenced by Westerners. Due to my association with Mr. Wong Shing, I participated in the editorial work of The Hong Kong Chinese and Foreign News, while The Hong Kong Chinese Daily, was headed by Mr. Chan Oi-ting, with Mr. Wang Tao as the chief editorial writer. At the age of thirty, I finally made some achievements in the printing and publishing industry. I had not forgotten about the church, and once again intended to be baptized. However, Mr. Ho Fuk-tong, while presiding over a new church in Foshan, was attacked and greatly impacted, then unfortunately fell ill and passed away, and my baptism was consequently delayed.

After you settled in Sai Wan, restrained by public opinion, it was inconvenient for me to visit you often, so I could only come to see you secretly occasionally. I thought to myself, you are suffering from a serious illness and are also deeply injured in heart. You need time to recover, and marriage is not a matter to be rushed. At this point, your state of mind seemed stable; though weak and unresponsive, you were quite calm and no longer as resentful as before. Under the supervision of Dr. Wong, you had quit smoking and your symptoms of asthma had eased. One night, I came to your house and saw your father walking out, so I hid around the corner. When I saw you, I asked what happened, you only said you gave him some pocket money. I didn’t pay much attention and didn’t inquire further. Another time, I saw a pocket-watch on your bedside table, which seemed to be a man’s belonging. I was baffled, but I suppressed my doubts for the time being. Over the next few days, my doubts grew stronger. In one afternoon, I sneaked to your house and heard the sound of music and the laughter of a strange man in the room. I was shocked and didn’t dare to knock on the door, so I hid and peeped. After a while, I saw you seeing off a man to the door. I couldn’t bear to expose it on spot, so I sought confirmation from Ah Lan. She hesitated but finally admitted that a former client had visited you. I felt a heavy blow to my heart. When I asked why this happened, she said your father was demanding money and you didn’t want to disturb me, so you put up with it and solved it yourself. I realized that the devil was still clinging onto you. However, you didn’t consult with me for such a big issue and preferred to secretly resume your old profession. In addition to raising money, you were also secretly having pleasure. How could I bear it? The thought kept churning in my mind, filling me with jealousy and hatred, and all my hopes were shattered. During dinner with you, I could barely eat. I questioned you about the male guest and said with anger, “Once a prostitute, always a prostitute, how could you change?” You replied, “Indeed, you knew this from the start, then why did you redeem me?” I said, “I believe you would change for me.” You said, “You don’t know how much I have done for you.” I retorted, “Considering what has happened, how can I marry you?” You said, “You were never supposed to marry me.” I said, “Why would you ruin and abandon yourself like this?” You said, “Originally, I wasn’t ruining or abandoning myself. Instead, I was first ruined, and then abandoned. It’s just my fate.” After saying that, tears streamed down your face. I didn’t understand the meaning of your words, I only felt betrayed, and my heart was filled with resentment, so I avoided seeing you. Now looking back, I realize I was too heartless and stupid.

One day your father suddenly arrived at the printing house, wanting to see me. He handed me an envelope, and upon opening it, I found several photos inside. All were of you when you were a young girl, similar to those obscene pictures he sold at his store. I was furious and wanted to tear them up, but he laughed and said damaging these photos would be useless because he possessed the negatives. When I inquired about the price of the negatives, he responded that they were priceless. He proceeded to say, “Sir, you are not the person as you used to be and I greatly respect you. I sincerely hope that you would kindly bestow your care on poor creatures like me in the future.” After saying this, he bowed and left. I felt shocked and embarrassed. I had been unaware of this secret of yours until now. I blamed you for your lack of self-love, and my heart ached deeply. Anxiously, I rushed to your home, where I found you crouched on the bed, crying. I comforted you and said, “I know your hardships.” You looked at me in surprise and asked if I had seen your father. I replied, “I have seen the photos.” Clenching your teeth, you bitterly uttered, “He is not my father but my enemy! He robbed me of my innocence, sold my body, and ruined my reputation. He doesn’t want to see me well-off, but prefers to see me fall. If he is just after money, it may have been a bit more bearable. But, ever since my mother’s death, his beastly nature began to show, taking pleasure in controlling, exploiting and humiliating me. Isn’t he a demon of the utmost evil? I am forced into submission by this enemy, and though I wish to kill him and escape his clutches, I am powerless to do so.” Sobbing, you continued, “I’m grateful that you redeemed my freedom, yet I know it won’t last forever, and won’t dare to hope for happiness. I still remember the days when you were young, you brought me flyers printed by yourself, looking so proud. Now you are successful in your profession, you should have self-respect and not let me drag you down. Just let me live and die alone. I’m a filthy person, whoever touches me will be dirtied. As for my debt, I will settle it by myself, and not count on your help. Now that you have seen my most miserable state, I am deeply ashamed and can’t face you anymore.” Upon saying this, you turned your back to me, face to the wall, and wept in silence.

You resolutely refused to see me and I dared not force you. Meanwhile, I was occupied with the printing of the English translation of The Book of Poetry and Spring and Autumn Annals, and the work was overwhelming, not allowing me to be distracted. The torment I was suffering was unspeakable. One night, Ah Lan came to my house urgently, knocking on the door and shouting that the lady was in trouble. I asked what happened, she replied that the lady’s father came to harass her. Seeing him drunk, the lady pretended to comply. When she saw him off, she walked with him to the waterfront, then suddenly dragged him into the sea, intending to die together. Eventually, her father drowned and she fainted, fortunately saved by a passerby. On the way to the hospital, I instructed Ah Lan, saying, “Remember, you are the witness. If someone asks you, just say the father accidentally fell into the sea, and his daughter tried to save him.” She agreed. At the hospital, I found that you were unconscious. Dr. Wong explained, “Her condition is not life-threatening, but she is emotionally disturbed, presumably due to overexcitement. She just took medicine and fell asleep.” I sat by your bed, looking at your pale and haggard figure, which made my heart ache. The next morning, you woke up and said to me, “Ah Fuk, why are you here? Didn’t we agree to meet at the post office?” A moment later, you said, “Buy me a big banquet, we will be husband and wife for a night.” Again, you said, “Where are those flyers you printed for me? Have they fallen into the sea?” You were agitated, tearing at your clothes, and I held you down on the bed while you shouted, “Love thy enemy! Love thy enemy!

The incident was investigated by the police and was deemed an accident, with no suspicion. I took care of your father’s belongings on your behalf, found the photos and negatives, and burned them all. I returned to the hospital and assured you, “It’s all over, don’t worry.” You were just combing your hair, murmuring, “First comb comes to the end, second comb comes to having white hair together, third comb comes to having children all over the house.” Dr. Wong called me aside and told me that you were pregnant, already three months along. The baby was safe, but the father was unknown. I said, “Brother Wong, I want to marry her, can you be my witness?” The wedding was simple, just signing at the registry office.

You stayed in the hospital until you gave birth to a boy. I accompanied you for discharge, and we went back to our home in Sai Wan. Your milk was scant, but you insisted on breastfeeding yourself. You stroke the baby’s head, and said to me, “Look at our son, how adorable he is! Ah Fuk, give him a name.” I suggested, “Let’s call him Ah Tak.” Suddenly, you lifted the baby over your head, wanting to throw him onto the ground, cursing, “This demon, why won’t you leave me alone!” The baby cried loudly, and I quickly snatched him from you. You were crying and laughing at the same time, uttering nonsense. I was greatly worried, and dared not leave your side.

One night, you were unusually calm, and said to me, “When you used to come and see me, you would always read the Bible to me.” I asked, “Do you want to hear it now?” You nodded. I asked, “Which part?” You requested, “The Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.” The leaflets I gave you in the past were still well kept in a box. I took out one and read aloud, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

After I finished reading, you smiled faintly and said, “So beautiful, so good!” Suddenly, you sighed, “I wish I could believe in God, but I can’t. My sins are too deep. I’m beyond salvation.” I said, “As long as you repent, your sins can be forgiven.” You shook your head, “I don’t repent, I’m willing to go to hell.” I said, “If you go to hell, I will follow you.” You said, “What you’re saying is foolish.” I said, “When you suffer, I can’t be at ease. I am willing to suffer with you.” Tears fell from your eyes as you stroked my face.

The next day, while I was at work, you instructed Ah Lan to take the child to the wet nurse’s place. Then you hanged yourself. You left a suicide note that said, “There is no fear in love.” I buried you and raised your son as my own, still entrusting Ah Lan to take care of him.

In the twelfth year of the Tongzhi era, or the beginning of 1873 by the Western calendar, Mr. Wang Tao and Mr. Chan Oi-ting pooled their resources to purchase the machinery and typefaces of the Anglo-Chinese College Printing House with ten thousand silver dollars, establishing the China Printing Bureau, where I followed and was in charge of the printing department. In March of that year, Mr. Legge retired after his mission was completed, leaving the port to return to his home country, never to come back again. Before Mr. Legge left, he said to me, “Ah Fuk, I know you are a man of steadfast faith, but you are misled by affection. If you’re willing to repent, I can baptize you.” I politely declined, but not due to disbelief. If you are going to hell, I can’t bear to enter heaven. If you can’t be saved, I don’t wish to be saved either. I wish to share your sins, to meet again in hell, and never to be separated. However, because I have to raise Ah Tak, I cannot die yet. Although we are hopeless, the newborn is innocent. To exchange our death for his life, to root out evil and plant the tree of resurrection, is also a form of atonement.

As I have said, I would write letters to you, and now, I’m finally at my last one. I remember the first time I saw you at Anglo-Chinese College, I was only eleven and you were just six. By the time you left this world, I was thirty-one and you were twenty-six. Over these twenty years, even though we have spent more time apart than together, I always felt you were by my side. I always believed that if we tried hard enough, we could be together. But things in this world are changeable and fleeting. Life and death, honor and disgrace, all change in unpredictable ways. Yesterday we shared joy, today we are forever apart. What use are promises then? I, a lover of words, always believed that there are spirits in characters, that by continually writing, typesetting, printing, and reading, we could have a meeting of minds and a connection of souls. Alas, now that I’ve reached this point, our story has ended, and there is nothing left to write. And this letter, you will never receive.

I received it.

Heng-yi, did you really receive it?

Ah Fuk, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.

Ah Heng, me too.

Where on earth did you go?

The place I went to, is neither heaven nor hell.

Where can I find you then?

I live in the world of words.

How about me? Where am I then?

You’re the same.

Am I in your words?

Words make no distinction, you are within me, and I am within you.

You write me, I write you.

You read me, I read you.

Our souls can finally become one.

Never separate.