Resurrection 2 - 5

Hong Kong Type #29

Six Records of a Resurrected Life

V. Soul

Heng-yi, I thought I would never write to you again, but seeing you fall into such a predicament, I couldn’t bear leaving you alone. Please listen to me, amend your mistakes, or your soul will forever be lost, beyond redemption. After you left me and married someone else, I suddenly felt an emptiness in life and was somewhat inclined to seek refuge in Buddhism, no longer relying on the teachings of Jesus. The so-called “interactions of causes and conditions” are but illusory appearances, impermanence and selflessness are the true essence of life. Obsession with desire and love is nothing but meaningless greed and delusion. I was devastated, like a walking corpse, and no longer attended church worship. I am a sinner, I am a traitor to the church.

After parting from you, my heart still clung to you. Although you had given yourself to another, I wouldn’t break my vow of not marrying anyone but you. I imagined your current life might seem glamorous on the surface, but not so smooth on the inside. I worried for you, but I could no longer interfere. Unexpectedly, my mother fell ill and died that winter, leaving her wishes unfulfilled - me not being able to get married and have children is a grave unfilial act. Even though I regretted it deeply, there was nothing I could do to compensate. This doubled my grief and resentment, leaving me sighing all day, immersed in depression. One day, I happened to pass by the Lower Market and saw that the Chinese church had been rebuilt. From inside came the sound of hymns, and I couldn’t help but stop to listen. Before I knew it, I had walked closer and was standing next to the door. I saw Pastor Ho Fuk-tong preaching to the congregation, reciting from the Gospel about how Jesus was arrested and Peter denied Him three times, and then went out and wept bitterly. Hearing this, tears streamed down my face, and I could not control myself. Mr. Ho saw me and came over, took my hand, and said, “When a prodigal son returns, it’s as if he has been resurrected from the dead, lost and now found.” The congregation also welcomed my return and treated me like a brother in the Lord. After returning to the church, I learned that Mr. Wat Ong had passed away from illness in his hometown. However, his voice and image still seemed to linger, as if encouraging me not to be despondent and to pick myself up. Considering how Mr. Wat persevered in his faith despite multiple hardships throughout his life, I felt ashamed at my fragile faith in the face of minor setbacks. Hence, I decided to reflect on my mistakes and not be afraid of making amends.

For faith is a matter of the soul, not of this body. Everyone has a soul, something animals do not possess. The desires of the human body are the same as those of animals, born with birth and lost at death, hence not eternal. What is eternal is where the heart leans towards, and what the soul yearns for. However, humans are born sinful, a consequence of our ancestors Adam and Eve’s transgression. Sin is seeking the desires of the body and not the nourishment of the soul, resulting in the loss of the soul and ultimately, eternal suffering in Hell instead of eternal bliss in Heaven. To save the soul from eternal disaster, one must not seek from oneself, but must seek from Jesus Christ. For the son of man was born and suffered for the redemption of mankind’s sins. Without faith in Jesus, there is no salvation. This truth is easy to understand and should not be doubted. However, it is hard to bear when witnessing the suffering in the world and not being able to immediately provide relief, but having to wait for comfort after death. Does the presence of evil in the world conflict with the ultimate goodness of God? Some suggest that the suffering in the world is a form of punishment or testing, and people must endure it before good and evil can be distinguished, rewards and punishments administered. But in this world, justice is not clearly manifested. Good people suffer while evil ones thrive, the matter of the soul’s eternal life can seem unrealistic to non-believers. To the faithful though, no amount of worldly evil can shake them, for they understand the permanence of the soul. Reflecting on your situation, my wrongdoings were primarily due to excessive personal feelings and insufficient faith. I desired more to save your body rather than your soul. Failing to save your body, I also lost your soul. Thinking about your body’s loss and your soul having no way to be saved, my heart was filled with sadness and pain. If I could save your soul, even if I couldn’t save your body, I would have no regrets. This is something I hadn’t understood before. Now that I think about it, I deeply regret it.

At this time, Mr. Legge was in the United Kingdom, and the mission station and printing house are under the supervision of Mr. Turner, while Mr. Wong Shing returned to Hong Kong from Shanghai and still served as the superintendent. In recent years, orders for typecasting had greatly reduced. This is because the head of the American Presbyterian Mission Press at Shanghai, Mr. William Gamble, was very ambitious. He collected various kinds of existing movable type for replication and created his own type to make up a complete list of different font sizes. Later, in China Church News, I saw an advertisement from the American Presbyterian Mission Press, offering six kinds of type for sale, ranging from sizes one to six. Among them, number one and four were originally from the Anglo-Chinese College, that is, from Hong Kong. Before that, when Mr. Gamble ordered two sets of type from us with one piece only for each character, Mr. Legge should have anticipated his intentions. However, he didn’t bother about the pros and cons in business. Mr. Turner, his successor, also seemed indifferent to the printing industry. I feared that the future of the Anglo-Chinese College Printing House might not be long. But at that time, there was no substitute in Hong Kong, and Mr. Legge also planned to come back to print the remaining volumes of Chinese Classic, so the printing office would continue for a few more years. Although my livelihood was temporarily safeguarded, I should also start thinking about finding other alternatives.

At the end of the year, I ran into Ah Wong on Pedder Street. At first, I didn’t recognize him because he was dressed in a long gown and mandarin jacket, looking like a wealthy young man, completely different from how he used to be. It was only when he called out to me that I realized it was Ah Wong. We hadn’t seen each other for over five years, so I was thrilled. I asked him when he had returned to Hong Kong, and he said it had been over a month. We went to a teahouse to catch up and when he told me his story, I found out he had had some extraordinary adventures. He had originally set out by ship to pan for gold in San Francisco. However, halfway there, the sailors mutinied against the captain, whom they claimed had been mistreating and oppressing them. The crisis was still unresolved when the ship veered off course and ran into a hurricane, which broke all its masts and drowned half the crew. The damaged vessel drifted at sea for over a month, before they saw land. As the passengers rushed onto lifeboats to get to shore, many fell into the sea and drowned. Upon landing, they found themselves in a desolate land full of wild beasts, snakes, and insects, and even a tribe of cannibals hunting the survivors. After being stranded in this wilderness for two months, they were finally rescued and those who survived were taken to Port Darwin in Australia, where only a third of the original passengers were left. During this disaster, Ah Wong had helped save a Westerner, a wool trader. The trader would buy wool from sheep farms in Australia and sell it to manufacturers for processing. Ah Wong became his assistant and over the next three to four years, traveled across both coasts of the Pacific to places like San Francisco, where he learned fluent English and business techniques. He often represented the Western trader at the ports of China. This year, he resigned and returned to Hong Kong to join a foreign textile trading company as a comprador. Listening to his story, I marveled at his transformation. The unruly lad from the past was now a man of business, bringing solace to his father’s spirit in heaven.

Afterward, I often met up with Ah Wong for tea, during which I would casually share some gospel truths with him. I told him that it’s easier for a camel to get through a needle’s eye than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. I advised him not to lose sight of his precious soul for the sake of earthly wealth and reminded him to enter by the narrow gate. Every time I talked about Jesus, he would brush it off with a laugh, neither openly objecting nor genuinely accepting. Despite my persistent invitations to worship, he always dodged them and never showed up. Apart from being a worshiper of wealth, Ah Wong also indulged in decadent behavior, frequently visiting the pleasure district. Once he mentioned that there was an exotic and extremely attractive woman at Sheung Wan. When I asked who she was, he replied, “Jiu-wan”. I was shocked and asked if she was at Grand View Tower, he replied “Not so high-class, only at Heavenly Fragrance Tower”. I inquired further, “Have you purchased her services?” He answered with a smirk, “Twice, Heavenly Fragrance Tower is very affordable.” I pounded the table in rage, declaring, “I’m severing ties with you!” and stormed out. Reflecting on it afterward, I knew that Ah Wong didn’t mean to offend me. Still, who would understand the shock and pain in my heart? If you slept with a stranger, I could tolerate it, but if you were defiled by someone I know, how could I bear it? It wasn’t your fault, nor his, but my heart ached like it had been stabbed, bleeding profusely. As for why you fell back into this depraved condition, I was filled with anxiety and doubt.

I once tried to ignore it, telling myself that your affair was none of my business. Yet, the image of you suffering in the fire was always in front of me, unable to be dispelled. You were born in disgrace, despised even as a concubine of a wealthy family. Now you had fallen back into the fiery pit, your status even more meagre, I feared that your shame would even be more unbearable. I didn’t believe that you had willingly fallen, there should be some hidden reasons. After much thought, I couldn’t hold myself back anymore and decided to go to the brothel to find you. Yet I dared not to act rashly, for I was unsure of your feelings and worried that people in the church might misunderstand me. I once swore before the Lord’s brothers that I would never set foot in the pleasure district again. I wandered back and forth on the street corners until I saw Ah Lan, your maid, and approached her. Ah Lan was both surprised and overjoyed when she saw me. She took me to the back alley and told me the pitiful story of your marriage to Mr. Lau, who had taken you as his wife without his parents’ consent. He kept you as a concubine in a separate house, coming and going as he pleased, treating you as a private prostitute. Your father would frequently demand money from you. If you refused, he would then extort from Master Lau. Annoyed by these harassments, Lau would vent his anger on you, with both verbal and physical abuse. Eventually, your father caused so much trouble at Lau’s family, that his parents demanded him divorce you or be kicked out of the house. Lau complied and drove you out. With nowhere to go, you were forced to return to your old trade, joining the Heavenly Fragrance Tower. This was not a reputable establishment, and you reluctantly accepted the downgrade, adding shame upon shame. Ah Lan continued, “My lady is a renowned courtesan and has to keep a maid. Thankfully, Lady hasn’t ditched me and allow me to stay by her side. I vowed to serve her until my last breath.” Hearing her words, I realized that Ah Lan was a faithful and loyal girl, which I deeply appreciate.

I did not know if you wished to see me. Therefore, I went home and penned a letter, entrusting Ah Lan to deliver it to you. Apart from expressing my feelings after our separation, I also talked about matters of the soul, as I didn’t wish you to suffer in life and continue this pain for eternity after death. In this wicked world, it is difficult for us to combat alone, but for the ultimate future life, we have not yet lost hope. The scriptures say, “the tax collectors and prostitutes will enter the kingdom of God ahead of the high priests”, but first, you must repent and believe in the Lord. Another passage you particularly enjoy says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” It is also said, “Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” If you still believe that there is love in this world, it is the love that comes from God’s love and God is love. This love is beyond affection and desire, and is the empathy and companionship of eternal souls. All the malicious people and malicious forces in the world cannot destroy it and cannot diminish it in the slightest. In the past, I wanted to save your body with my own strength but ultimately failed. Now, I hope to rely on the strength of our Savior Jesus to recover your soul. Please believe in my sincerity; I am determined to live and die with you. After sending the letter, I waited for your reply. More than a week later, Ah Lan delivered your message, saying, “Lady doesn’t wish to see you for now, please wait, sir.” I responded in disappointment, but my heart had not died yet. I asked Ah Lan to keep me updated on your status.

At the beginning of the following year, Ah Lan suddenly came and said, “Lady is sick, please go and see her, sir.” I immediately went to Heavenly Fragrance Tower, and arrived at your room, which was dilapidated, a stark contrast from before. I saw you lying on the bed in sickness, with a smoking gun and smoking lamp on the table. When you saw me, you were startled and said, “Who asked you to come?” I realized it was Ah Lan’s idea to call me, not yours. You turned away, not wanting me to see your sickly state. Seeing your emaciated figure and haggard face, I knew your illness was serious and it really hurt my heart. I sat at the side of your bed, took your hand, and said, “Why don’t you want to see me.” You turned your back towards me and said, “I’m so worthless, don’t waste your time on me.” I said, “If you had asked me earlier, I could have taken care of you. Why come back to such a place?” You turned around and pleaded, “Our ties have ended, please stop meddling in my affairs. The Jesus you speak of, I don’t want to hear about him anymore.” I said, “At least hear me out.” You suddenly flicked your sleeve in anger and said, “In your Bible it says, ‘We should be of service to others, not to make them serve us.’ I have served for so long, my life is worse than death, what benefits has it brought me? It also says, ‘If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to them the other also. If anyone wants to take your shirt, let them have your cloak as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.’ I have been hit on both cheeks, people have taken my clothes, I have been forced to take a long and hard journey, and endless demands have been made of me. It also says, ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, treat them well who hate you, pray for those who persecute you.’ Aren’t such demands unreasonable? I submitted in every way and returned evil with good. Yet look what it has got me. Don’t talk to me about redemption of the soul. I can’t even protect the wellbeing of my body, how can my soul be at ease? I’d rather not have a soul at all, like an animal, to be able to live any way I want and when I die everything ends. What kindness to save? What eternal life in heaven? The more I listen, the more I feel ashamed. Please don’t just keep saying ‘repent’, ‘repent’! The only sin I have, is being born in this world. If I had a choice, I’d rather not to have been born. Now I’m full of sins. Do you think it’s my own doing? Telling a filthy person how filthy they are is unfeeling and cruel. Ah Fuk, please leave me alone!” Hearing you say this, I was overcome with sorrow. It turned out my good intentions only increased your suffering. I was at a loss for words and I just promised to visit another day.

This conversation feels familiar to me.

It’s because of the inheritance of the soul.

Can the soul be inherited?

The soul transcends time.

You’re saying that Heng-yi is the former life of my soul?

I’m not talking about reincarnation, I’m talking about the inheritance of consciousness.

Does it mean my consciousness is connected with my ancestors?

The inheritance of consciousness is what is called destiny.

Is my fate already destined?

What is meant by fate, is the limitations caused by conditions.

But limitations don’t necessarily mean determination, right?

That’s correct. Conditions will impose restrictions, but conditions can also be changed.

As long as conditions change, there will be a new direction for destiny.

The soul is the process of this change.

But can Ah Heng’s fate be changed?

So just listen to what I have to say.

I went home to reflect, not knowing why you rejected me. But the pressing issue at hand was to rescue you from the abyss. After pondering for a long time, I decided to ask Ah Wong for help. In the teahouse, I angrily scolded him and broke off our relationship due to a moment of impulsiveness. I went to the foreign company he was working and apologized to him. Ah Wong didn’t blame me, and we sat down to discuss. I told him everything about you, and he suddenly understood the reason for my anger. I said the best plan was to redeem Ah Heng first, so she would no longer suffer. I had no intention of taking advantage of her situation and claiming her as my own. I was prepared to rent a house for her to live in, allowing her to recover, and to pay for her monthly expenses. However, the cost of redemption was more than I could afford, and I was not in a position to manage it myself. I had saved about five hundred silver dollars over the years and hoped to borrow the rest from him. Ah Wong agreed and went to negotiate with the madam of Heavenly Fragrance Tower. As an expert in bargaining, he managed to get a reasonable price. I came to see you, as this matter required your personal approval. Freedom should not be left in other’s hands. I held your hand and said, “I have carefully thought about what you said earlier, it’s better to help you with your urgent needs than talking about things after life. Although I am not very rich, with my years of savings and help from friends, I can afford to buy you your freedom. The matter of redemption is not the same as selling yourself to me, you have no obligations to me. The money I paid, you don't have to pay back. My friend Ah Wong is just a middleman, and you don’t owe him anything either. After you are redeemed, I will temporarily cover your living expenses until you recover from your illness, and then we can discuss your livelihood in detail. I am not a saint, nor am I trying to play the hero. Even if you don’t believe in God, don’t want to hear the Bible, don’t want me to enlighten you with righteousness, or don’t want to care about spiritual matters, I have no complaints. I just wish you to regard me as the same naive boy from the beginning. Regardless of whether you love me or not, I am unrequitedly loving you, taking your sorrows and pains as mine, doing my best without expecting anything in return.” You silently agreed, lowering your head in tears.

In the same year, the Tung Wah Hospital was established, a charitable organization funded by the Chinese business community, and the sponsors were mostly proprietors of opium companies. Mr. Wong Shing, now a well-known public figure, was also involved in it. I asked him if it was appropriate to be associated with opium traders. He replied, “It’s regrettable, but if it is beneficial to the public, I will reluctantly participate. In the kingdom of heaven, there is a clear distinction between right and wrong; in worldly affairs, there is much ambiguity. We can only strive to uphold virtue.” Mr. Wong also accepted an invitation from the Qing court to lead a hundred young children to study in the United States, receiving a Western education – truly a pioneering step for our country. When he left Hong Kong, he appointed me as the acting superintendent of the printing house and also entrusted me with the editorial work of the local newspaper. I have always admired Mr. Wong’s opportunity to study abroad in his youth, which broadened his horizons. Unfortunately, my formal education ended after only three years. Although I had dabbled in the pursuit of new knowledge, I didn’t make much progress. Now, I can only rely on accumulation over time and diligent cultivation, to achieve minor success in my career. In the same year, Mr. James Legge and Wang Tao also returned to Hong Kong. Mr. Legge was appointed as a pastor at the Union Church for a period of three years and chose to live in Mid-Levels instead of the missionary house. I was also prepared to fully commit to the printing of volumes four and five of Chinese Classics. After traveling through Europe, Mr. Wang Tao came back as a new man, emanating an air of valor. He invited me to a large restaurant to catch up. His speeches were more profound than before, and he was full of ambition, eager for great accomplishment. As I recounted your affairs to Mr. Wang, he sympathized deeply, but he was also happy that things had been settled and promised to visit soon.

I rented a house for you by the waterfront in Western District. The place was simple and the environment was quiet. I also hired Ah Lan as your maid. As for your illness, you said you have a familiar doctor, and when he was summoned, it turned out to be Mr. Wong Foon. The gentleman, after being stationed in Canton, had many disagreements with the Missionary Society and later resigned to work in the local government hospital. Over the years, he had been treating you privately and was well acquainted with you. Dr. Wong said that the disease you suffered from was not malignant, but you showed signs of worry and anxiety, and your shortness of breath was severe. He advised that you should quit smoking, avoid toiling, and take more rest. I was deeply concerned and instructed Ah Lan to take good care of you. Other than this, life had been generally calm. The time of the above was in the ninth year of the Tongzhi era, or by the Western calendar, mid-1870.

To be continued.